Dating in Your 30s: The Harsh Reality & Green Flags to Look For
Ello ello! Happy Sunday! Lets talk dating ladies....
Dating in your 30's in this era feeling like trying to find a Chanel bag at a bloody car boot sale. The struggle, exhaustion, time-wasting, and mostly flat out disappointments right?
I’ve been single for four years now, focusing on my personal growth, goals, and my daughter. But recently, I decided to dip my toe back into the dating pool and let me tell you, it’s a hot rass mess. The effort from men is almost non-existent, especially on dating apps.
Let’s break it down:
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They will literally match with you. Then say nothing, nada, zilch.
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Or they send a dry “Hi” and expect you to do all the work.
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Or they text like 13-year-olds with abbreviations like “Hw r u?” or (wyd?) instead of just writing the damn word.
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Or they expect you to reply in 5 minutes, and if you don’t, they throw a temper tantrum.
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Or they rant about their “crazy baby mother” or bash them thirty minutes into a conversation. (🚩🚩🚩)
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Or they have 3–4 kids with multiple women, who they hardly see.
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They don’t read your profile, and solely focus on your looks (shallow Hals) and social media.
And the worst part? They claim they want a serious relationship, and want to find their “wife” but their actions say otherwise.
Honestly, I don’t know what’s more bloody shocking, the absolute audacity or the sheer lack of effort. No wonder most of these men are single.
How It Used To Be VS. How It Is Now
Back in the day, men courted women. They put in real effort. They planned dates, wrote love letters, called instead of texting “wyd?”, and actually wanted to impress a woman.
Men weren’t afraid to pursue and lead in relationships. It was about romance, consistency, and showing intentionality.
Now? It’s breadcrumbing, inconsistent texting, last-minute plans, and “Netflix & chill” nonsense. The art of courtship is almost extinct.
And let’s not even get into the myth that older men are more mature because whew, what a lie. I’ve witnessed it with my four eyes (yes, I wear glasses part-time, so you know I’m not lying… I had to look twice!).
Green Flags: Signs Of A Man Who’s Actually Ready
So, how do you know if a man is serious and not just wasting your time? Here are some green flags to look for:
1. Consistency
He doesn’t just talk a good game he follows through. Calls when he says he will. Plans actual dates. His actions match his words.
2. Intentionality
You’re not left confused or wondering where you stand. He makes it clear that he’s interested in you not just casual vibes.
3. Emotional Maturity
No baby mama drama. No past-relationship baggage dumped on you. He’s self-aware, accountable, and doesn’t play blame games.
4. Values and Morals Align
He wants a relationship, not just a warm body. His words and actions reflect that he’s looking for something real.
5. Effort Without You Having to Ask
If he’s genuinely interested, he’ll show it without you having to chase, remind, or beg for basic effort.
You Are The Prize
I know! I know! We hear this so much now on social media, that it's like ahhh shut the hell up with "the prize this, the prize that"! But its kind of true. At the end of the day, remember this: We do not chase. We attract.
And yes, I know that might sound cliché as hell, but listen women are not men, and men are not women. There is a natural order to things. I wholeheartedly believe that a woman should never, ever chase, hunt, or fight for a man. It’s low-class, unnatural, and honestly, beneath us.
Now, don’t get me wrong fighting for your relationship or marriage when you’re already in a committed, mutual partnership? That’s different. That’s what love and dedication look like. But fighting for a man who isn’t even yours? Chasing someone who clearly doesn’t care or value you? That’s beyond crazy to me. And I will never do it.
I believe that men are supposed to pursue, take the lead, and claim the woman they want to be with. When that doesn’t happen, they devalue you and treat you like trash. I’ve seen it too many times. Women who chase men end up getting the bare minimum, just pure roach behaviour because that man never had to work for her in the first place.
If a man wants you to lead, chase, and beg for effort he’s simply not your person. The right man will see your value and act accordingly.
So, keep your standards high, your heart open, and your faith strong. Because real love does exist even if it feels like a complete myth right now.
Keep The Faith & Stay Open Queen
I know from my own experience how dating in this modern era is wild, but don’t let it discourage you. There are good men out there intentional, kind, and ready for love. It’s just about being patient, aware, and not settling for less than you deserve.
So, I’ll keep putting myself out there (selectively), attending events, and being open to meeting someone the right way because love is still real, and I believe in it and so should you.
And if you’re on this journey too, just know that you’re not alone.
Now tell me what’s been your experience with modern dating? Let’s talk in the comments!
Thanks for reading, ciao for now!
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The Shenanigans Club is a social club for women aged 30-45 based in London UK. We host regular meet-ups and events where you can meet new people, try something different, and have fun. Whether it's a night out, a new activity, or simply getting together over a coffee, our goal is to create an inclusive space where women can form real authentic connections and step out of their comfort zones.
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