The Birth Story Of My Daughter: How I Chose My Way to Give Birth
Hello, Queens! How are we feeling? Amazing? Fabulous? I sure hope so, because I am feeling absolutely peachy! 🍑
Not only is it a new month, and we’re celebrating International Women’s Month, but today is extra extra special to me. My beautiful Coco skin daughter – my Pisces baby, turns 10! I can’t help but reflect on the day she came into this world. It was my first time becoming a mum, and wow, what a journey that was. From the early contractions to the moment I held her for the first time, I learned one thing for sure: there is no right or wrong way to give birth... only what feels right for you.
This post isn’t just to share my experience but to empower other mums-to-be, especially black women and women from ethnic minorities, to trust themselves, speak up, and advocate for the care they deserve.
Two Weeks Early – My Baby Had Other Plans
My daughter was due on the 14th of March, but she decided she wanted to be an early blessing and arrived on the 2nd of March. That evening, I was at my mum’s house, watching a crime documentary. The contractions started but weren’t consistent at first. So, I just strolled into the living room and casually said to my mum, “I think I’m having contractions.”
She gave me a “What the hell?!” look and asked why I hadn’t said anything sooner – I thought it was funny at the time, but inside, I was nervous. Eventually, we went to the hospital, where the midwife told me I might not have my baby until the next day.
The midwife suggested a sweep (which I had never heard of), explaining it was a way to bring on contractions. I agreed, and let me tell you, it was the weirdest feeling! It was kind of similar to getting your smear test done. She told me to go home and wait for things to progress – and within an hour, I knew it was go-time. So here I was bag ready, calling my daughters father to let him know what was going on and we were off!
From Water Birth to Choosing My Comfort
At the hospital I had already prepared for a water birth in a private room, thinking it would be calm and relaxing. But once I got into the water, I realised it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t get comfortable, and everything felt off. After trying to reposition and dealing with midwives yapping in the background, I said, “This isn’t going to work for me – I’ll try the bed.”
But lying on my back wasn’t it either. I remembered all the YouTube videos I’d watched in 2014, where women gave birth in positions that felt natural, like kneeling or squatting. There was this one mum, pregnant with her fourth child, who gave birth while kneeling – and she made it look so manageable. So, I told the midwives I wanted to kneel on the hospital bed.
One midwife said, “No, you can’t do that,” but I refused to lay back. I knew my body better than anyone, and kneeling felt right. After three pushes, my daughter arrived safely. It wasn’t just about pain; it was about letting gravity work, listening to my body, and trusting myself.
The Role of Advocacy During Birth
Giving birth is such a personal and powerful experience. But as a Black woman, I want to emphasise how important it is to speak up and stand your ground during childbirth, especially in medical spaces that don’t always prioritise our voices.
Both my midwives were white women. One midwife listened to me, respected my wishes, and supported my choice to kneel. The other? She dismissed me, and her tone left me frustrated. My mum, thankfully, stepped in and checked her.
This is why advocacy matters. Not every healthcare professional will understand or respect what you’re feeling, but you must be confident in your choices. Speak up, have a birth partner who will advocate for you, and don’t let anyone silence your concerns.
Maternity Care Inequality for Black Women and Ethnic Minorities in the UK
Here’s a reality we can’t ignore: Black women are almost four times more likely to die during pregnancy or childbirth compared to white women in the UK. Asian women face double the risk, and mixed-ethnicity women also have poorer outcomes. These statistics reflect systemic issues in healthcare, such as institutional bias and cultural misunderstandings.
Every woman deserves safe, high-quality care, but women of colour often face dismissiveness, delayed treatment, and a lack of understanding from healthcare providers. It’s exhausting, BUT it’s why we must keep raising our voices not just for ourselves, but for future generations after us!
Not all nurses and midwives are dismissive right, and I’m grateful for the one midwife who listened and supported me. But it’s vital to pay attention to how people treat you in the medical field, regardless of their race, and to hold them accountable.
Advice for Mums-to-Be: Trust Yourself and Your Body
Whether it’s your first child or your fifth, childbirth will challenge you, but it’s also empowering. Here’s what I learned:
- Your body knows best. If something feels wrong, say it. If something feels right, advocate for it.
- Positions matter. For me, kneeling on the hospital bed and letting gravity work was a game-changer. If you want to try it, hold onto the bed frame, open your legs as wide as you can (comfortably), and let the midwives guide the delivery from underneath.
- Have support. Whether it’s your mum, partner, or friend, having people who advocate for you in the room makes a huge difference. My mum and my daughter’s dad were amazing throughout the entire process. My sister and her friend were also waiting in the family room to meet my daughter, which filled the hospital with love and warmth.
- Speak up. Don’t hesitate to check someone who dismisses you or treats you unfairly. Your voice is your power!
I share my story to remind women especially Black women and ethnic minority women that you have the right to give birth your way. The statistics about maternity care for women of colour are heart-breaking, but change begins with each of us demanding better.
Advocate for yourself! Trust your body. Speak up. And if you ever feel unsupported, don’t be afraid to push back. Every woman deserves a safe, empowering birth experience, and I hope my story inspires you to claim yours.
Thanks for reading, ciao for now!
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