Your Life, Your Choice: Finding Meaning Beyond Motherhood
Hello, Hola, Bonjour mon amie! Haha! How are you doing today? Feeling great? So-so? Or somewhere in between?
Let’s get into some real life pushed under the rug honest truths here, shall we? Here’s one for you right, If your life feels meaningless and you’re raising kids, my heart goes out to those little ones. Why? Because children absorb so much from us! And YES we’re all not perfect by no damn means but our energy, our happiness (or lack of it), and even our unspoken struggles. The truth is, whatever energy you give off is often inherited by your kids or shows up later in their lives, sometimes as unresolved trauma when they grow into adults.
Parenthood doesn’t automatically make life fulfilling, and forcing happiness for the sake of appearances doesn’t work either. What does work? Living your life journey with intention and purpose, regardless of whether you have kids or not. Because when you show up for yourself, you’re teaching your kids to show up for themselves too. And isn’t that what we all want for the next generation? I absolutely bloody do!
In recent years, there’s been a noticeable rise in young women opting out of parenthood. From financial concerns to simply enjoying the child-free life, many women (and men) are saying “no thanks” to societal expectations. And you know what? I don’t blame them. That’s perfectly okay.
But then there’s that crowd of people who feel it’s their duty to interrogate anyone over 30 without a spouse, kids, or both. It’s the constant “Why aren’t you married yet?” or “When are you having kids?” Frankly, it’s exhausting and more reflective of their insecurities than your life choices.
The Reality Behind Those Probing Questions
Let’s bloody call it out! Some of these questions come from envy. Think about it! Those without kids often have a freedom that others dream about. They can travel without planning around term dates or babysitters. They have the space to be unapologetically selfish and focus on personal growth. And that doesn’t sit well with everyone, especially those who might feel trapped in their own choices.
The truth is, not everyone is cut out for parenthood, and that’s okay. Some aren’t emotionally ready and then others might never be. The sad reality is, not all who have children are fulfilled by it if I’m to be frank here or even good at it. I’ve seen this first-hand. Whether it’s colleagues who vent negatively and endlessly about their kids or people who seem to resent every aspect of parenthood, it’s clear that parenting isn’t the ultimate ticket to joy for everyone.
Breaking Free From Smelly Societal Norms
Let’s also talk about pressure. Some people feel forced into parenthood by family expectations or cultural and religious standards. But what happens when you live according to someone else’s expectations? You’re the one stuck dealing with the consequences, not them.
And here’s the thing: life’s meaning shouldn’t depend on whether or not you have children. Whether you’re child-free or a parent, your journey is uniquely yours, and only you can decide what makes it fulfilling.
My Perspective As A Mum
I’m a mum to an incredible 9-year-old. I adore my daughter. She brings so much joy to my life, and I’ve never regretted having her for a second. But before I became a mother, I was firmly against having kids. Growing up, I saw the struggles of single parenthood within my community and it legitimately terrified me.
As I got older, though, my mindset shifted, and now I can’t imagine life without my daughter. She’s a blessing, but even as a parent, I know that having kids doesn’t automatically make life meaningful. You have to choose to make it meaningful, kids or no kids.
Finding Fulfilment: With Or Without Kids
Your life has value, whether you have children or not. Here’s how to find meaning and own your journey:
- Focus on Personal Fulfilment: So it’s your career, hobbies, or personal goals, create a life that excites you and not what excites others. Identify what brings YOU joy and dedicate time to it regularly.
- Set Boundaries: Politely shut down intrusive questions like “When are you having kids?” with firm but kind responses like, “I’m happy with my life right now, thanks!” or simply changing the subject.
- Challenge Societal Norms: Remember, you don’t owe society or anyone else a “traditional” life path. Live on your own terms unapologetically.
- Find Community: If you’re child-free, connect with like-minded individuals who share similar values. Parents? Build a support network of people who prioritise self-care and meaningful living alongside parenting.
Spring To Action Please And Thank You!
Each day, spend at least 30 minutes doing something purely for you. It could be journaling, exploring a passion, or simply relaxing without guilt. At the end of the day Queens, we only get this one time around right! Your life’s purpose is for you to decide. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than because you’re child-free, and don’t let anyone pressure you into decisions that aren’t right for you. I always look at it as, they’re not living in your shoes daily so meh!
What Matters Most
Live your life, make time for what wholeheartedly brings you joy, and always remember… your life is valuable as it is. Kids or no kids.
I hope this has helped you, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you agree that life’s meaning is personal, or do you think society places too much emphasis on traditional milestones like marriage and parenthood? Share below and let’s start a conversation. Until next time, have a great day! Ciao!
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