Healing After a Breakup: How to Rebuild Yourself and Find Peace
Rise and Shine, Buttercups! Happy Sunday!
Let’s jump straight into it. Breakups are tough, there’s no sugar-coating it. Whether you spent two years, five years, or, in my case, two and a half years with someone who turned out to be absolutely not worth it, the heartbreak runs deep. But let me tell you, I am not about to give my ex more attention than he deserves. Absolutely not!
Here’s the short version: I was emotionally left for dead by a man I thought genuinely loved and valued me. Spoiler alert! He didn’t. If you’ve been watching Married At First Sight, my situation was eerily similar to Emem and Ikechi’s drama, though ours stretched over a much longer timeline, as I mentioned.
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Cr: People Mag
Sharing the full pot of tea worthy details wouldn’t bring me peace, and frankly, I’ve built myself into someone so strong that I’d rather focus on how I healed instead. It’s been four years since that relationship, and I can finally talk about it without wanting to "crash out” as the Gen-Z’s would say (Haha!). What got me through? Therapy. God. Time. A little downward dog in yoga class (Haha!) Positive energy. And just having tunnel vision on my self-development, growth, and self-care. Those pillars kept me alive, motivated, and focused on a future where I know I’ll one day be blessed with a good Godly man who actually deserves me.
Here’s how I did it, and how you can too! With a few extra steps to help you rebuild your bad gyal joy.
1. Delete And Block EVERYTHING. Yes, EVERYTHING.
It took me exactly three days post-breakup to delete every picture, video, and text thread involving my ex. Then, I went full nuclear: blocked his number, his Instagram, and any lingering connections on social media. And the stuff he gave me as gifts? His clothes? In the bin or sold to the highest bidder on Vinted and eBay.
Why? Because re-opening that rabbit hole does more damage than good. It’s like ripping a plaster off an unhealed wound! You’re just causing yourself unnecessary pain. This clean break is crucial to your healing process, even if it feels brutal at first.
2. Therapy (And Why It’s Worth the Nerves)
I know therapy isn’t for everyone, but trust me when I say it changed my life. My first session? I was so nervous I felt like I was walking into an interrogation room, fully naked, trying to cover all my private parts—figuratively, of course. (It’s funny now, but at the time, I was dead serious.)
The breakthrough moment came when I realised I had done nothing wrong. My ex’s selfishness and lack of integrity had everything to do with him and nothing to do with me. It was liberating to understand that the choices others make reflect their insecurities and trauma, not my worth.
3. Surround Yourself With Your People (and Cut the Rest Loose)
Whether it’s a support system of close friends, your family, or even a community like The Shenanigans Club, lean into those who truly care about you. These are the people or even if it's just 1 person who checks in, makes you laugh, and wants to see you thrive. If you don’t have that right now? It’s time to invest in building it (more on this later!).
4. Rediscover Yourself Through Hobbies and Routines
Idle time after a breakup is your enemy. The solution? Start filling your schedule with hobbies and routines that centre you. Whether it’s hitting the gym, learning a new skill, or just catching up on books you love (my recommendations below in the post), these activities keep your mind busy and remind you of the vibrant, capable person you are.
5. Books to Help You Heal and Grow
Turn on Do Not Disturb, grab some snacks and a warm drink or a cheeky glass of bubbles, and lose yourself in these game-changing reads:
- “Things No One Taught Us About Love” by Vex King
- “You Only Fall In Love Three Times” by Kate Rose
- “How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart” by Megan Roxanne
- “The Power of Letting Go” by John Purkiss
- “Women Who Love Too Much” by Robin Norwood
Take notes if you have to cause I swear to you, each book holds some serious nuggets of wisdom that will nudge you toward the person you’re meant to become.
6. Develop A “Move Forward” Attitude Plan
Here are some actionable steps to guide your healing:
- Start journaling or recording voice notes. It’s a safe place to vent, reflect, and track your growth.
- Set small, achievable goals, like joining a new fitness class or trying a weekly “self-date.”
- Find a therapist, coach, or pastor to help you unpack any baggage you’re struggling with.
- Start decluttering, not just your physical space but also your emotional one.
7. Don’t Waste Tears On What’s Not Meant for You
Listen, me personally, I didn’t cry over my ex. Not once. I think I was too busy being shocked, hurt, and annoyed at the time I wasted and how he gaslit and manipulated everything. Time is so valuable to me. Was God telling me, “This man isn’t your husband, so don’t even bother to drop a tear?” Probably.
But if you feel like crying, let it out. There’s no shame in it, just know that real healing comes when you stop carrying what doesn’t belong to you, STAND UP and move the hell on!
8. Lean On God (or Something Bigger Than Yourself)
For me, leaning into my faith helped me heal. If God isn’t your thing, that’s okay too. The point is to ground yourself in something greater, a sense of purpose, the beauty of nature, or simply the belief that brighter days are ahead.
9. Create New Memories Without Lingering Shadows
Dive into experiences that remind you how beautiful life is beyond the confines of a relationship. Even new experiences! Travel if you can, throw yourself into spontaneous adventures, or pick up old hobbies you may have dropped during your relationship. (Don’t do that again!)
Your Turn To Heal For Real!
Honestly, healing after a breakup is no walk in the park! Trust me, I’ve been there. It took me three years to truly move past my previous relationship, and that was a lot to work through but I did it. I think much of it came down to being in a space where trusting anyone, especially men, felt nearly impossible. Even now, I’m very particular about who I allow into my life. I firmly believe that not everyone, whether it’s men or women deserves your energy or time. For me, it’s all about reciprocal positive energy and character. That’s one of my non-negotiables.
But let me tell you, every moment of reflection, every small step forward, it’s all so worth it. I hope this post has given you even a tiny bit of encouragement on your journey.
So now it’s over to you. What helped you move on after a breakup? Was it turning your heartbreak into a playlist moment with some Mary J. Blige or Keyshia Cole? Journaling your heart out with a hot cuppa by your side? Or maybe throwing yourself into a transformative solo trip? Drop your stories below, your experience might just inspire someone else on their journey!
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About The Shenanigans Club
The Shenanigans Club is a social club for women aged 30-45 based in London UK. We host regular meet-ups and events where you can meet new people, try something different, and have fun. Whether it's a night out, a new activity, or simply getting together over a coffee, our goal is to create an inclusive space where women can form real authentic connections and step out of their comfort zones.
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