How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty

Good morning and welcome back to Morning Coffee. How are you doing? I hope you’re well.

We all know that setting boundaries can feel a little… tough, right? Especially if you’re a bit of a people-pleaser, hate confrontation, or just want to keep the peace. But here’s the thing: setting boundaries is self-love, and honestly, it’s one of the best things you can do for your mental health.

Sure, it might feel awkward at first (and yes, you might overthink it to death), but once you get the hang of it, you’ll wonder how you ever survived without them.

So, grab your coffee, get comfy, and let’s have a proper chat about how to set boundaries without feeling guilty because, spoiler alert, you have zero reason to feel bad about taking care of YOU.

Why Do We Feel Guilty About Boundaries?

Let’s start here. Have you ever agreed to something you didn’t want to do, just because you didn’t want to disappoint someone? Or worse said "yes" out of fear of being seen as rude or selfish? If so, you’re not alone. It’s honestly a struggle we all face, and it all comes down to not wanting to upset anyone.

But here’s the truth bomb: Boundaries are not selfish. They're necessary. And trust me, you’ll be much happier and healthier when you take control of your own time and energy. So, let’s ditch the guilt and start doing what’s best for you.

The Importance of Boundaries in Relationships

Family, Friends, Partners... Yes, Everyone

Let’s be absolutely clear here. Setting boundaries isn’t just for colleagues or distant acquaintances. You need boundaries with the people closest to you yes, family, friends, and partners. I learned this lesson the hard way in a past friendship where I had absolutely zero boundaries. And boy, did I pay the price for it.

I loved my ex-best friend like a sister, but I kept excusing her bad behaviour because I didn’t want to cause tension. I basically let her walk all over me. Kind of like how Shamea from the real housewives does with Porsha and I realised that's not okay! I take full accountability for that part because, truthfully, I should have respected myself enough to set those boundaries with her way sooner.

Instead of standing up for myself, I’d brush it off and think, “She’s like a sister so let’s just move on, it’s cool!” Absolute foolishness!

Real friends don’t lie, they don’t keep secrets, and they don’t manipulate you just to get what they want. And just because you’ve known someone for years or care deeply about them, it doesn’t excuse this kind of behaviour... not at all!

The crazy part? I learned through therapy that when we love someone deeply, we often excuse their bad behaviour, thinking “oh, they didn’t mean it,” or “it’s fine, they’re family/friends/partners.” But the reality is, this compromises your peace and disrespects your emotional well-being.

So, let me say this loud and clear! No matter how much you love someone, no matter WHO they are you deserve respect and peace. And if someone can’t respect your boundaries, they don’t get unlimited chances to disrespect you.

1. Know What You Actually Need

Before you can set boundaries, you need to understand what's draining your energy. It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of life, but take a moment to reflect on what leaves you feeling mentally and emotionally drained.

• Is it constantly saying yes to favours you don’t want to do?

• Is it being available 24/7 for people who don’t give you the same energy back?

• Is it tolerating toxic behaviour just because someone’s family or a long-time friend?

Identifying these areas is step one. Once you know what’s exhausting you, you can start building healthier boundaries around them. Protect your energy it’s your most precious resource.

2. Start Small, but Stay Firm

Setting boundaries doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing approach. Start small. Maybe it’s a quick “no” when someone asks for your time or a gentle reminder when someone oversteps. Gradually, you’ll become more confident in protecting your space.

Here are some examples:

• “I can’t talk right now, I’m focusing on myself.”

• “I’m unavailable this weekend, let’s catch up another time.”

• “I can’t take on any more tasks at the moment.”

You don’t need to over-explain yourself. Be firm but kind. You’ve got this.

3. Boundaries Don’t Mean Rejection

Here’s a big one: Boundaries are not the same as rejection.
When you set a boundary, you're not saying, “I don’t care about you,” you’re saying, “I care about me too.” You're taking responsibility for your own emotional health.

Some people might take it personally, but that’s not your problem. They can be upset, but you’re not rejecting them you’re protecting yourself.

4. Be Clear, Concise, and Direct

One of the best ways to set boundaries is to be clear, concise, and direct. You don’t need to apologise or over-explain. A simple, “This is what I need, and here’s what I can’t accept” goes a long way.

Examples:

• “I need space after work to recharge, so I won’t be available to talk in the evenings.”

• “Please respect my time, I need to leave at 7 PM.”

• “I’ve asked you not to bring that up, and I’d like to move forward.”

Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Don’t apologise for needing what you need.

5. Guilt is Temporary, Resentment is Long-Term

This is crucial: Guilt is temporary, but resentment lasts. If you don’t set boundaries, you’ll end up feeling frustrated and bitter. The guilt you feel when you set boundaries will eventually fade away, but resentment will only grow if you keep sacrificing your own needs.

So, do yourself a favour feel the guilt, work through it, and move forward. The peace you gain will far outweigh any discomfort you initially feel.

 

6. You Have Every Right to Walk Away

Okay, now here’s the deal: You don’t have to tolerate disrespect. If someone crosses a boundary that you've set clearly and repeatedly, you have every right to walk away and cut them off. No explanation needed. If they’re disregarding your boundaries, they’re showing you their true colours and those colours aren’t respectful.

After all, it’s your life, and you get to choose who you allow in it. If someone can’t respect your boundaries, don’t feel bad for removing them from your circle. You’re protecting your peace, and that’s non-negotiable.

7. Don’t Ghost, Be Grown About It

Now, I know it's tempting to just ghost someone who’s repeatedly crossed your boundaries. But here's the truth: Ghosting isn’t a grown-up move. It’s passive and leaves things unresolved. Instead, be upfront.

Let them know, clearly and calmly, why you need to take a step back. You don’t need to get nasty about it, but you do need to communicate.

For example:

• “I’ve already told you my boundaries, but you continue to disrespect them. For my own well-being, I’m going to distance myself.”

• “I’ve made it clear that this isn’t okay, and I can’t keep engaging if things don’t change.”

By handling it like an adult, you maintain your integrity and take control of the situation.

Books & Videos To Check Out That Will Empower You

If you're anything similar to me, you enjoy learning and growing as a person to become a better version of your previous self, these resources will help you dive deeper into setting boundaries and living a more empowered life:

Books:

1. Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

2. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

3. Radical Compassion by Tara Brach

4. The Disease to Please by Harriet B. Braiker

5. You Can’t Touch My Hair by Phoebe Robinson (A mix of humour and truth)

YouTube Video:
For a visual breakdown on boundary-setting, check out:
How to Set Boundaries & Stop People-Pleasing by Nedra Glover Tawwab.

 

Your Turn

So, with that being said, what boundaries have you recently set? Or maybe, what boundary would you like to set but haven’t yet? Drop a comment below, I’d love to hear how you're protecting your peace. Your experiences might just help someone else who’s struggling with the same things.

Thank you for reading! With love and firm fences, ciao for now! 

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